Narelle

Meet Narelle, a dedicated foster carer in South Australia with 13 years of experience in therapeutic care. Her journey to become a foster carer with Life Without Barriers began unexpectedly when she and her then husband, after years of unsuccessful IVF, attended an information session about foster care. With their skills and desire to become parents, becoming foster carers felt like the natural path to take.

Newborn twins were placed into Narelle’s care just days after her 40th birthday, turning her celebration into a life-changing moment. 

Over the years, Narelle’s family has grown. In addition to the twins, who are now teenagers, she has an 8-year-old daughter, whom she has cared for since she was a baby.  

Narelle has been kind enough to share her journey of becoming a carer with us. 

What attracted you to foster care? 

My husband and I initially looked into overseas adoption after three years of unsuccessful IVF. The process for adoption seemed lengthy, expensive, and uncertain. We then attended an information session on fostering. As I was a teacher and my husband worked in mental health, it felt like we had the skills to be parents, so fostering made the most sense to us. Before we knew it, we became a family of four, and later, five.

What kind of care do you provide? 

I've been a carer for 13 years, providing therapeutic care. I have twins that I've cared for since they were 13 days old, and they're just about to become teenagers. Both are neurodiverse. I also have an 8-year-old, whom I've cared for since she was 14 months old. Over the years, I've provided short-term and emergency respite care as well. 

When we started, it was initially an emergency placement for our twins. It became a short-term placement and later a long-term placement when they were 8 months old. We've also had children stay with us for weekends or in emergency situations, such as when a parent was unwell. We had a baby for nine months who was reunified with her family, and our third long-term child came to us already under long-term orders, so we knew from the beginning she was joining our family permanently. 

Most of our short-term experiences have been with babies, and we made sure to prepare our long-term children for any changes in the family. Once, we provided emergency respite for a 12-year-old boy over an Easter weekend. We weren't prepared, but it was a positive experience. 

How do you support a relationship with their family? 

It's incredibly important for the children to understand their story and make sense of their world. As carers, it's been a complex journey to navigate, putting together different pieces of information and trying to make the right decisions for the children. 

Our youngest was born interstate and came to us so we could connect her with her siblings. Over the years, we've worked on building an extended family dynamic. The older two have had regular contact with their parents, and we've recently connected them with siblings and extended family members interstate. 

Are people surprised that you are a foster carer? 

It's never been a secret that we foster, and I’ve always spoken openly about it. I've taken on public roles, including peer support. People often express surprise or say they couldn't foster because they couldn’t give the children back, but I always say you'd be surprised at what you can do. Even if fostering isn’t an option, there are ways to help and support families like ours. I believe there's something everyone can do. 

As well as being a foster carer, Narelle is also part of Life Without Barriers MOCKINGBIRD FAMILY program.  

How are you supported in your role as a carer? 

MOCKINGBIRD FAMILY is essentially a support network of carers who live locally, creating an extended family network. Being a foster carer can be isolating, and often, friends and family don’t understand the journey. Carers naturally seek out other carers for support, and Mockingbird facilitates those connections, which has been very supportive for me and my children. We've had great experiences connecting with others in this network, free of judgment. 

Do you have any favourite moments to share? 

My introduction to caring happened on my 40th birthday. We received a call asking if we could take in our twins, who were seven days old at the time. We asked for a few days to prepare. That weekend, during my birthday celebration, we announced we would be welcoming the twins on Monday. The generosity and support from everyone around us were incredible, and the twins arrived as my "birthday present."

There have been many beautiful moments along the way, watching the children grow and develop. It’s been challenging, but also filled with the joys and heartaches of motherhood. We’re here for the long road, and I look forward to seeing them achieve their goals. 

From early on, we had to explain things to the children, especially since they had regular visits with their parents. We started with simple explanations and added more details as they got older. Initially, we told them they were my birthday wish and that wish came true. 

What does therapeutic care entail?  

Being a therapeutic carer means understanding the children's needs and learning how to support them in all areas of life. My background as a teacher provided some tools, but it plays out differently in the home environment. Therapeutic parenting involves adapting and learning constantly to meet the children's evolving needs. Life Without Barriers has provided significant support, particularly through its therapeutic care model. 

Because we're on a therapeutic arrangement, we have regular home visits with our caseworker, and we've had the same one for three years. That consistency has been really helpful. Although I don't reach out often, I know the after-hours number is available if needed. 

Do you have any advice for other people considering becoming carers? 

For those considering becoming foster carers, I recommend talking to other carers early on to understand the challenges and make sure you have a strong support network. Attend events and connect with support agencies to hear real-life experiences. It’s important to know your own strength and resilience. 

I wouldn't trade parenting my three beautiful children for anything. Life has taken us on this journey, and I wouldn't want to miss out on being their mum. 

Narelle shared that it is important to continue to grow and learn. 

Even after 13 years of caring, I'm still learning. For example, I attended a conference in Darwin and participated in a programme called How to Thrive by Marie McLeod, which provided me with tools to stay resilient and care for myself. It's vital for carers to remember the importance of self-care to ensure they can continue caring for others in the long term.  

Narelle’s approach to being a foster mum is driven by love and a commitment to helping her children connect with their families. She recognises the importance of understanding their unique stories and supporting them in navigating their complex worlds. Though the journey has its challenges, Narelle’s passion for being a carer is evident in the way she speaks about her children and the joy she finds in watching them grow.