Ted and Dave

Meet Ted and Dave

Ted and Dave are foster carers in New South Wales. We sat down with the couple and chatted with them about their foster care journey.

What made you want to become foster carers?

"Being a gay couple, we were unable to have children of our own." Says Dave.

"Both of us went through a grieving process about this. We also thought that we had a lot to offer children in need of care, not only financially, but also in terms of love and security."

"We have been together since 1979 and are very stable," says Dave.

When they found out about an inclusive foster care program through Dave's work, they knew they had to learn more.

"It was a very emotional time. We both ended up on the floor sobbing and hugging each other." Shared Dave.

"We committed ourselves to the foster care course and soon welcomed our first short-term foster child into our home."

Incredibly, Ted and Dave have been foster carers since 2000 - first with DOCS and FACS. They have now been with Life Without Barriers since 2015. They have fostered three long-term children and 20 short-term or respite care children in that time.

Image: Same-sex mature male foster carers and their adopted teenage daughter smiling

At home currently, they live with a teenage girl in long-term foster care and their 20-year-old adopted daughter, Corina.

Life Without Barriers case manager Jane Laidlaw says, "Ted and Dave are very different characters, they seem to really complement each other. They also have a wonderful sense of humour that works very well with children.

"They have treated the 13-year-old male they had on respite with great respect, focussing on all the positives he brings to their lives. They are protective of their two girls, but open to enhancing the whole family's lives by opening their door to other children."

Have you experienced any challenges as gay carers?

"The amount of support we have received from both Life Without Barriers and DOCS/FACS has been amazing to say the least. There have only been two cases of prejudice that we aware of amongst the local community. Both of these people were ‘closed down' by well-respected members of the community and to those people we are grateful." Said Ted.

"Young people generally do not have the prejudices that their parents may have and respond to love as it is given." Added Dave.

"I remember once our daughter told us that someone on her school bus asked her if we went 'clubbing', (I was 60 at the time). She answered, ‘No, they let me ride show ponies and take me on holidays instead.' Boom!"

Corina added, "From the age of four, when I first came to live here, I have never once felt that I have been judged differently as a child because I have gay dads. Parenting is not exclusively the traditional husband and wife model. Parenting is about love, and I have experienced that by the truckload."

What is the most challenging part of being foster carers?

"Sometimes, my heart breaks when a child discloses the trauma that has occurred to them in their short lives." Ted said.

"I tend to burst into tears, while Dave sympathises and assures them that what happened to them then will not happen to them here. I think they know that both responses come from love."

Dave added that it is sometimes a challenge to deal with the difficult behaviour of some children because of the dysfunction they have suffered.

"I face it with honesty and stay child-focused the whole time." Said Dave.

What are some of your favourite moments as foster dads?

Dave and Ted agree that having horses on their property has helped a lot of the children and young people they care for.

"It is incredibly rewarding watching kids progress through the ranks and develop a caring and professional relationship with their horse." Says Dave.

"They have won accolades for their riding along the way, but more importantly, have healed and become well-rounded people, not afraid to work hard to achieve their dreams."

"Even the children who come to us for respite care have some involvement with the horses on the property. We have a sign up on the back veranda which says that ‘Horses are Good for the Soul' - in our experience, this is true!" adds Ted.

Ted and Dave, both agree that one of the most rewarding experiences of being foster carers (and fathers) is getting in contact with your own inner child.

"When was the last time you went diving to the bottom of the pool to retrieve some object thrown in by your partner in competition with your children, rode the big dipper with them, or hung upside down on a monkey bar, eventually falling off from laughing too hard? Shared experiences, to me, are the most rewarding of all," says Dave.

What advice would you give people who are interested in becoming foster carers?

"While most of the children in care have experienced trauma, you will find that the joys far outweigh the sorrows. Remain child focused at all times, and don't be afraid to ask case managers at Life Without Barriers for help if needed." Said Ted.

Dave also added, "Knowledge, patience, a well-developed sense of humour, constructive compassion, dedication and spending time with the children in your care will also bring great rewards.

"The ability to look at the ‘big picture' always helps too. Go for it! Not only will you find it extremely rewarding, but you will be making a great contribution to your community and particularly to the children who come into your care."